do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
