Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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