come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
