my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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