oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
