At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
