i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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