It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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