Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
