Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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