birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Boobs are out for the taking
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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