i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
They took my balls.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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