I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Your dad touched me again.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
