thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
