Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize