I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
