There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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