i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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