Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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