He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
