yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
