that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
