The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
