I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize