exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
