There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
