A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
