brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
