No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
