successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
