why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
try to milk me bitch
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