Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
