What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
