I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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