woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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