Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think your dad took our porno
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
