There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
