i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
