Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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