My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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