how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize