We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
