You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
