no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
