She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I need a burrito and a hug.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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