You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
