"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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