I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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