I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
