My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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