rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
