I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
