wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
