Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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