I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
