6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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