the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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