I heard we made out
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
