You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
