last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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