he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
