he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
