standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
