OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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