I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
