Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you

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(214): View more from Texas

Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity

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(904): View more from Florida

whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed

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(555): View more from

Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one

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(863): View more from Florida

Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?

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(214): View more from Texas

Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?

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