did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
