i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
They are going to name an STD after you.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
