I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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