It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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