i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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