i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
