The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh god it's open bar.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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