11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
