I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
