I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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