thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
