Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I would ride that face into the sunset
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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