i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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