I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
