I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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