I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
