Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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