My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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