i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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