The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
