I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
