Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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