Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
