That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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