I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
