I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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