i think my tv is drunk
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
and she was petting her beer can
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
