Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
