he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize