First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
