Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
