All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
