i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
