I wanna bring you to show and tell
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
