I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize