the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
