You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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