i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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