i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
