yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize